Pio “Bering” Beringuella
Love Changes Everything
Love,
Love changes everything:
Hands and faces,
Earth and sky,
Love,
Love changes everything:
How you live and
How you die 1
Sofia and I finally had dinner after not seeing each other for months. However, it was a dinner I would rather forget. In that dinner I had said words that I should not have. It was one of those moments where a lady would storm out of plain anger. Luckily for me Sofia was such a lady. She stayed; all the time listening to what I was saying. All she could do was shed a tear.
I took her home after dinner. It was a quiet ride back to Sofia’s place. I can’t remember her uttering a word. And I said nothing either. After I dropped her off, I went straight home believing that I would not be seeing her again.
I called her the following day. I was ready for the worst. It must have been a shock to her to listen to all those harsh words. It was ungentlemanly of me. I should have been a lot nicer.
“I hope you feel much better?” were my first words on the phone.
“How will I know?” she said with sadness in her voice. She didn’t have the usual upbeat in her voice.
“If you would allow me, I would like to invite you for a quiet dinner tonight. I promise it will not be a repeat of last night. I’ll pick you up after work.”
“Whatever”, she said; then hang-up.
There was deep chagrin in her voice. After what happened the night before, who wouldn’t? She had all the reasons to hate me. I just didn’t know when to shut up. My anger was not an excuse. My emotions got the better of me that night. I had to do something to make up for my shortcomings. I went to Rustan’s Flower Shop for roses; a dozen long stem red roses.
I was all smiles when I walked through the gates of Malacanang Palace. It was still Martial Law. I had my ID card ready but still I have to go through metal detectors and answered a few questions. The Palace was on high alert.
“What are the flowers for, Sir?” the Lieutenant asked as he waved the metal detector around the roses.
“They are for my Sofia in Finance.”
“It looks like you are in trouble again. What did you do this time? I would not keep you here any longer as someone is waiting for you.” the Lieutenant said with a smile.
The Lieutenant still remembered me as I was a frequent visitor a few months back. Whenever I arrived early when I pick up Sofia, I engaged in small talks with the Presidential Guards.
“I will know in a few minutes.” I said and walked hurriedly towards Sofia’s office.
Everyone had a sigh of relief when they saw me walk in with the roses. Sofia however had the strained look on her face. It was telling of the anguish she experienced the night before.
She was wearing a yellow dress; her favorite color. She was so beautiful and elegantly dressed for dinner.
“Hi”, I said as I handed her the roses.
She did not say a word as she accepted the roses. I attempted to kiss her on the cheek but she turned the other way.
“Wow, how romantic!” Grace said breaking the deafening silence in the room. ”What happened last night? She was not smiling since she got in this morning.” She added as she pulled me aside.
“We went out for dinner. Don’t you remember?” I answered.
“That is not what I meant. Did you have another fight?”
Before I could answer, Sofia started for the door. I quickly followed her as I bid everyone good bye.
The roses were still on her desk where she first put them down. She still has not said a word. She had not looked at me either. I really dug myself a deep hole. How sudden did the tide change. She’s good. Suddenly, I was the one who had to do the explaining and apologizing.
Love is so unfair!
As we passed the gate, the Lieutenant looked and smiled at me again. I smiled back and said nothing as I walked right behind Sofia. I could barely keep up with her but I couldn’t ask her to slow down. She was in control!
She got into a waiting Jeepney. I sat next to her and said, “Let’s catch the Love Bus to Makati in Quiapo.” She didn’t answer.
The stare from the other passengers was embarrassing. I could only smile in return, which probably drove Sofia more upset with me. I was thankful she didn’t create a scene.
We went to Josephine’s Seafood Restaurant, her favorite restaurant in Makati for a quiet dinner. The dinner started quiet alright. I didn’t know how to say I was sorry. I had to sip on my margarita twice before I got the courage to lean towards her and whispered, “I am really sorry.” Finally, she looked at me and smiled.
And that was the end of that episode in our lives. We never talked about it again. I was no longer interested in wanting to know what happened between the two of us. It would be foolish for me to expect her to ask for forgiveness. If she did, it would be hallow. I would not have believed her.
We were ready to start all over. First, we have to become friends; not mere acquaintances. We were guarded in what we had told each other then. I was more hesitant in showing her who I really was. I had always been reserved. She may have acted the same.
I began to open up to her. My restrained attitude towards her began to thaw.
We were taken over by the situation. I no longer had control of my daily activities. Sofia became everything I do. I didn’t tell Sofia that in a few weeks, I would be flying to San Francisco. We will again be far from each other.
We hadn’t the time to waste. What we did the next few weeks were as memorable as when we first met.
We went places we haven’t been before. We got stranded in remote islands, where we brought nothing other than the clothes we had. Every place we visited was an adventure. We never planned our getaways. Everything was a spur of the moment. We didn’t care were we ended when night falls. We were just happy we were together.
We were in love.
Yes, Love,
Love changes everything,
Brings you glory,
Brings you shame.
Nothing in the
World will ever
be the same. 1
Yes, our world was never the same.
PBB/06-22-09
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “Love Changes Everything” by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Short Stories of the Heart – Part 8 of 9
Pio “Bering” Beringuella
The Dinner
“Everybody needs a little time away", I heard her say, "from each other."
“Even lovers need a holiday far away from each other."
Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to stay.
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.1
It was early 1982.
One of my brothers decided to take matters into his hands. He was scheduled to arrive in a few weeks with my one way ticket to San Francisco. He was not taking any chances. He wanted me out of Manila before I get myself into deeper trouble as everyone thought I was on my way to self-destruction.
I began to wind down for my move to San Francisco. One lazy Saturday afternoon, I decided to stay home and watch TV. I opened my first San Miguel beer. An hour later, I heard knocks at the gate. It was Hector with that suspicious grin.
“Great! Come in. Help yourself in the fridge. There are a few bottles left.” I said.
And then Zeny and Tet came in just behind him.
“We came with a special guest.” Zeny said with also a suspicious smile. Right behind her was Sofia. I said, “Hello. Come in. There is Coke in the fridge. Feel at home.”
And with those words, we did what we usually do when we get together. We shoot darts; played cards; teased each other; and occasionally talked. And laughed! Well, they talked and laughed. I was unusually quiet.
All eyes were towards me and Sofia. I knew what they were up to. However, I was already on my bounce back. Paraluman was such a pleasant company at the wedding. We remained friends despite those rumors of me courting her. We never went on another date after the wedding. It was always a group date. Occasionally Paraluman and the guys would surprise me at home. Our house became their hang out on weekends.
I am coming out of my melancholy mode. Gone were the days when I just don’t know what to do except pass the time by going to movies alone. I no longer took those solitary walks. Seldom did I go out for cocktails. I was beginning to distance myself from Manila.
I will soon be in San Francisco and from there start a new life once again. I heard it’s a romantic place. I am an old romantic I suppose. I was never out looking for love. I believed love will befall me at the most unexpected time. And what could be more romantic than in a city called San Francisco.
The following day, Hector dropped by our house again. He knew I was on my last days of vacation in Manila. I guessed he had nothing else to do either. I was wrong. The gang was on a mission to get Sofia and me to get to at least speaking terms.
“I noticed you were ignoring Sofia yesterday” he said.
“No. I did not. I even shoot darts with her” was my response.
“Yes but you were unusually quiet. After you said hello, I never heard you say another word to her.”
“I looked and smiled at her more than once. That’s not ignoring her. She was here with us. I know that.”
“Did you know that she was sorry for whatever she has done? You don’t expect a lady to kneel and beg for your forgiveness.”
“I am not asking her to ask for forgiveness. Who am I to ask for such? She has done nothing wrong. She just decided not to see me again. As to why she didn’t want me to come to Manila, I am no longer interested. I am past her.”
“She regretted whatever has come between you two. When she loves someone, she gives it her all.”
And with the look of someone who has just been fooled and was not about to listen to any bull shit I said, “Yeah right!”
“She would not have agreed to come with us to visit you here in your house if she didn’t feel that way. In a way, she is telling you that she’s sorry but you refuse to listen. I’ve known you to be “black and white” since our days in Mapua. You are no longer dealing with an engineering problem. You are now dealing with affairs of the heart.”
“What was your visit here yesterday all about anyway? I thought I will have a quiet day for a change. And today is supposed to be another quiet day!”
“Come on. Stop pretending you don’t know. We know you wanted to see her.”
“How well do you know me?”
“All I know is you are lying to your teeth right now.”
“Decisions are final and can not be reversed” was my response.
It is one of my many character flaws, which I believed to today as just being decisive. It comes with being an engineer but my friends say I was just being stubborn.
“No! You really do not know me. I have made the decision. It’s over. I will not reverse a decision. If I do it will be a first.” I said with a raised voice.
“I needed a drink. Let’s go Shakey’s.” I added.
Along the way, Hector dominated the conversation. I was not in the mode to be arguing with anyone anymore. I needed a drink. And that was it!
At Shakey’s Greenbelt a band was playing. We ordered a pitcher of on tap and a large pizza. The conversation was still one sided and still the same subject. But instead of being annoyed for such repeated arguments being bombarded on my ears, I found it pleasant to hear again and again.
It was nuts!
In all my adult life, I have never reversed a decision. Certainly not with getting back with someone who professed not to want to see me again. I have never done that before.
I had no idea what traversed in our conversation on that night. I had one too many drinks that night. Purposely or not, I drowned sorrow with rounds of on tap. It was one of those conversations that I would rather not have. I was perplexed.
Yet destiny must have been on us to be back together again.
The following evening with still a nasty hangover from drinking too much on the night before, I called Sofia and asked her for a date. It would have been gentlemanly to personally visit her at home but I was scared to have a repeat of a previous visit. I didn’t want anyone in their house to know I was again calling on her. I wanted them to believe that I have disappeared; never to be seen again.
I picked up Sofia early from work the day after. The moment I showed up in the office and after the usual “hi”, everybody in the office said, “Goodbye. You two have a good time.” It was still two o’clock in the afternoon. The word must have gone out that I have a date with Sofia.
Unlike the usual dinner date in one of the plush hotels in the city, we ended up at Shakey’s Greenbelt. I had no plans in going for a pizza; not on a date after not seeing each other for a long time. It just happened.
We had margaritas over pizza. The band was playing loud. We could barely hear each other; let alone had a descent conversation. It may as well as the conversation became one sided. I was still mad. Why I went for this date was unclear to me to this day.
Why we went to Shakey’s Greenbelt with the loud band as it was is even more unclear to me. We could have gone to a quiet dinner for a quiet conversation as we have a lot to talk about. But no! We went to Shakey’s Greenbelt; the last place on earth to make up after a fight. In my mind, I must have wanted the band to play the loudest to drown out whatever I had to tell Sofia that night.
I wanted some closure and of all places, I had to do it in a public place like a noisy restaurant. I was out to humiliate her for reasons I never understood. I was mad. I was going to show her. It was the only way I know how to close a failed attempt to be her boyfriend. For once, I have to have the upper hand in breaking up with ladies! I was beyond reason.
I was once again insane!
I was in the middle of telling her how hurt I was for being misled into believing something and only to be cut off without any words of explanations, when I happen to glance her way. I saw tears rolling down her lovely cheeks. Her eyes were closed. I began to realize she must have regretted everything she told me in her last letter. Those tears brought me back to my senses. I began to regret what I have just done. It’s ungentlemanly to make a lady cry.
My anger disappeared. I felt a certain embarrassment. I looked around and luckily everyone was focused on the band. I kept quiet for what seemed like hours. We were both quiet for hours. Not a single word uttered. Her eyes were closed all night long.
At closing time I said, “I am sorry I have to put you in such a distress and not giving you the benefit of doubt by listening to you first. I hope you would still allow me to take you home.”
She didn’t answer. She started to sob.
I took her hand and lead her towards a dimly lit narrow walkway towards the taxi stand. We hold hands as we walk slowly and for the first time I felt a certain connection between the two of us; without her saying a word, I felt we understood each other.
PBB/06-16-09
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” by the Chicago
The Dinner
“Everybody needs a little time away", I heard her say, "from each other."
“Even lovers need a holiday far away from each other."
Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to stay.
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.1
It was early 1982.
One of my brothers decided to take matters into his hands. He was scheduled to arrive in a few weeks with my one way ticket to San Francisco. He was not taking any chances. He wanted me out of Manila before I get myself into deeper trouble as everyone thought I was on my way to self-destruction.
I began to wind down for my move to San Francisco. One lazy Saturday afternoon, I decided to stay home and watch TV. I opened my first San Miguel beer. An hour later, I heard knocks at the gate. It was Hector with that suspicious grin.
“Great! Come in. Help yourself in the fridge. There are a few bottles left.” I said.
And then Zeny and Tet came in just behind him.
“We came with a special guest.” Zeny said with also a suspicious smile. Right behind her was Sofia. I said, “Hello. Come in. There is Coke in the fridge. Feel at home.”
And with those words, we did what we usually do when we get together. We shoot darts; played cards; teased each other; and occasionally talked. And laughed! Well, they talked and laughed. I was unusually quiet.
All eyes were towards me and Sofia. I knew what they were up to. However, I was already on my bounce back. Paraluman was such a pleasant company at the wedding. We remained friends despite those rumors of me courting her. We never went on another date after the wedding. It was always a group date. Occasionally Paraluman and the guys would surprise me at home. Our house became their hang out on weekends.
I am coming out of my melancholy mode. Gone were the days when I just don’t know what to do except pass the time by going to movies alone. I no longer took those solitary walks. Seldom did I go out for cocktails. I was beginning to distance myself from Manila.
I will soon be in San Francisco and from there start a new life once again. I heard it’s a romantic place. I am an old romantic I suppose. I was never out looking for love. I believed love will befall me at the most unexpected time. And what could be more romantic than in a city called San Francisco.
The following day, Hector dropped by our house again. He knew I was on my last days of vacation in Manila. I guessed he had nothing else to do either. I was wrong. The gang was on a mission to get Sofia and me to get to at least speaking terms.
“I noticed you were ignoring Sofia yesterday” he said.
“No. I did not. I even shoot darts with her” was my response.
“Yes but you were unusually quiet. After you said hello, I never heard you say another word to her.”
“I looked and smiled at her more than once. That’s not ignoring her. She was here with us. I know that.”
“Did you know that she was sorry for whatever she has done? You don’t expect a lady to kneel and beg for your forgiveness.”
“I am not asking her to ask for forgiveness. Who am I to ask for such? She has done nothing wrong. She just decided not to see me again. As to why she didn’t want me to come to Manila, I am no longer interested. I am past her.”
“She regretted whatever has come between you two. When she loves someone, she gives it her all.”
And with the look of someone who has just been fooled and was not about to listen to any bull shit I said, “Yeah right!”
“She would not have agreed to come with us to visit you here in your house if she didn’t feel that way. In a way, she is telling you that she’s sorry but you refuse to listen. I’ve known you to be “black and white” since our days in Mapua. You are no longer dealing with an engineering problem. You are now dealing with affairs of the heart.”
“What was your visit here yesterday all about anyway? I thought I will have a quiet day for a change. And today is supposed to be another quiet day!”
“Come on. Stop pretending you don’t know. We know you wanted to see her.”
“How well do you know me?”
“All I know is you are lying to your teeth right now.”
“Decisions are final and can not be reversed” was my response.
It is one of my many character flaws, which I believed to today as just being decisive. It comes with being an engineer but my friends say I was just being stubborn.
“No! You really do not know me. I have made the decision. It’s over. I will not reverse a decision. If I do it will be a first.” I said with a raised voice.
“I needed a drink. Let’s go Shakey’s.” I added.
Along the way, Hector dominated the conversation. I was not in the mode to be arguing with anyone anymore. I needed a drink. And that was it!
At Shakey’s Greenbelt a band was playing. We ordered a pitcher of on tap and a large pizza. The conversation was still one sided and still the same subject. But instead of being annoyed for such repeated arguments being bombarded on my ears, I found it pleasant to hear again and again.
It was nuts!
In all my adult life, I have never reversed a decision. Certainly not with getting back with someone who professed not to want to see me again. I have never done that before.
I had no idea what traversed in our conversation on that night. I had one too many drinks that night. Purposely or not, I drowned sorrow with rounds of on tap. It was one of those conversations that I would rather not have. I was perplexed.
Yet destiny must have been on us to be back together again.
The following evening with still a nasty hangover from drinking too much on the night before, I called Sofia and asked her for a date. It would have been gentlemanly to personally visit her at home but I was scared to have a repeat of a previous visit. I didn’t want anyone in their house to know I was again calling on her. I wanted them to believe that I have disappeared; never to be seen again.
I picked up Sofia early from work the day after. The moment I showed up in the office and after the usual “hi”, everybody in the office said, “Goodbye. You two have a good time.” It was still two o’clock in the afternoon. The word must have gone out that I have a date with Sofia.
Unlike the usual dinner date in one of the plush hotels in the city, we ended up at Shakey’s Greenbelt. I had no plans in going for a pizza; not on a date after not seeing each other for a long time. It just happened.
We had margaritas over pizza. The band was playing loud. We could barely hear each other; let alone had a descent conversation. It may as well as the conversation became one sided. I was still mad. Why I went for this date was unclear to me to this day.
Why we went to Shakey’s Greenbelt with the loud band as it was is even more unclear to me. We could have gone to a quiet dinner for a quiet conversation as we have a lot to talk about. But no! We went to Shakey’s Greenbelt; the last place on earth to make up after a fight. In my mind, I must have wanted the band to play the loudest to drown out whatever I had to tell Sofia that night.
I wanted some closure and of all places, I had to do it in a public place like a noisy restaurant. I was out to humiliate her for reasons I never understood. I was mad. I was going to show her. It was the only way I know how to close a failed attempt to be her boyfriend. For once, I have to have the upper hand in breaking up with ladies! I was beyond reason.
I was once again insane!
I was in the middle of telling her how hurt I was for being misled into believing something and only to be cut off without any words of explanations, when I happen to glance her way. I saw tears rolling down her lovely cheeks. Her eyes were closed. I began to realize she must have regretted everything she told me in her last letter. Those tears brought me back to my senses. I began to regret what I have just done. It’s ungentlemanly to make a lady cry.
My anger disappeared. I felt a certain embarrassment. I looked around and luckily everyone was focused on the band. I kept quiet for what seemed like hours. We were both quiet for hours. Not a single word uttered. Her eyes were closed all night long.
At closing time I said, “I am sorry I have to put you in such a distress and not giving you the benefit of doubt by listening to you first. I hope you would still allow me to take you home.”
She didn’t answer. She started to sob.
I took her hand and lead her towards a dimly lit narrow walkway towards the taxi stand. We hold hands as we walk slowly and for the first time I felt a certain connection between the two of us; without her saying a word, I felt we understood each other.
PBB/06-16-09
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” by the Chicago
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Short Stories of the Heart
Pio “Bering” Beringuella
Quesas Porque
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. 1
It’s mid-summer in 1981 when I tendered my resignation. Everyone thought I was crazy walking away from what most considered a career goal. I had all the perks of a company executive. I was an executive without the title. I ran the production side of the company. In addition to my own projects, I supervised all the engineers and designers in the office. Every project had to go through my desk for assignment and final check before we sent them out of the office.
I also had unlimited access to the two partners of the firm. Everyone already considered me as one of the partners.
An ongoing joke among us three was when we go after projects with different architectural project teams. We always place a bet on who will win; just an excuse to get a free lunch as we always charge lunch ticket to the company business development fund. We had power lunches every Friday and who ever lost stayed behind to pick up the tab and do the paperwork back in the office until the next loser.
I was then working on my professional engineering license. I was not in a hurry as I know I will be made a partner the moment I get my Professional Engineer registration. And when I become a partner, I will be partly responsible for the financial well being of the company. I was too young for that responsibility. I was not even personally responsible yet!
I was just a kid!
I was in a plum position. I can do whatever I wanted.
And I did!
I gave three months notice to leave the company. And that was it! I was not happy anymore. I no longer have the joy of engineering. It became just another job.
Three months came and it’s time to fly back to Manila.
I felt uncertain when I arrived in a hot and humid Manila afternoon. I stood sad and lost next to the baggage carousel. I was asking myself, “What am I doing here? This trip made no sense at all.” All I wanted was to take the next flight out and go straight to San Francisco.
I managed to flag a taxi for the short ride home. I failed to notice the flurry of activities in a bustling metropolis; a stark contrast to the leisurely island life I had in Guam. My mind wondered somewhere else as I sat quietly in the backseat. I would have preferred arriving and seeing Sofia at the airport. I thought of visiting Sofia that night; maybe I will be able to talk to her. Or see her one last time and say our good byes.
I knew it was unlikely that she will ever want to see me again. I knew her to act like a kid too! She said goodbye. And that was it too!
I was hoping she would agree to see me one last time.
When I got home, I decided not to visit her after all. She knew I was in Manila. If she wanted to see me, she had ways of letting me know. We have mutual friends, who wanted us to get back together; at the very least to be civil to each other and remain friends.
There were those pushing us to reconciliation. I had my doubts. I was resigned to not seeing her again.
More than a month passed and I have not seen let alone talked to her. Not even a message. We had mutual friends but I was not about the one to be the first to be asking how she was doing. One evening, when I had nothing better to do than grab a beer and watch TV, I went to their house to surprise her. The surprise was on me. She must have known I was going to visit her that evening that she decided to come home late or not at all. I never wanted to know.
While I was at their house, she called home. I could hear her Mom talking to her and begging her to come home. Then her sister talked to her. As soon as her sister hung up, she said that Sofia was on her way home. An hour passed and still she’s not gotten home. Two hours. Three hours. The wait was embarrassingly long to everyone.
We had dinner without her. When dinner was over, I bid farewell but her Mom was really embarrassed by what had just happened. I stayed a bit longer just to make everyone at ease or embarrass them longer. At around midnight, Sofia called again. I know then she was not coming home until I have left their house.
It really was the end of the road. It was time to move on. Finally I could tell myself without any doubt, “I give it my all and I failed.”
Affairs of the heart really conflict with the mechanical mind set of engineers. For every endeavor in our own little world is a set of formulas to be followed to the letter! The pursuit of Sofia was yet another endeavor much like what we did in college. We went to nearby colleges and universities to meet ladies. Those outings were positive distractions to our research on failed laboratory experiments. Disappointments were expected in what we did in college. Seldom did we get the results we wanted. But in experiments on the affairs of the heart, we failed miserably.
I remember us going to Wildlife Park, where we met a few nursing students from UST. We exchange phone numbers and addresses. We promised to visit them at their dorm. And as naïve as we were, we went to their dorm somewhere in Sampaloc. There’s no one of those names who lived in that dorm.
This was just one of the many misadventures we had in college. I can not remember any that ended as a success. But we were always happy.
As with our misadventures in college, I have failed yet again.
I was not sad anymore. I have done my crying when the wound was still fresh. The last three months were agonizingly painful. But time heals everything for my loneliness was beginning to be of a distant memory. I decided to spend Christmas and New Year in Manila because it will be years before I will be back in Manila again.
I can not remember how Christmas was in that year - 1981. Christmas and New Year that year became just another day.
I occupied myself hanging out with former classmates who worked at PLDT. Shakey’s Greenbelt was across from their office. I remember the Greenbelt of the bygone days of Makati. It had wide open landscape; had an aviary; and even had a chapel. It’s a peaceful place to walk. After watching a movie at the Quad, alone of course, there was not much to do but walk alone; in solitude.
At five in the afternoon, night life begins. I spent a few nights drinking rounds of on tap over pizza and live music at Shakey’s Greenbelt. It’s almost an every night occurrence until I figure out how to live my life once again.
I may have spent so many days at PLDT as quite a few thought I work at PLDT. I even played cards with the guys and gals at lunch time. There were a few lady engineers in that department. Paraluman and Citas were like any one of the guys. They were always with us whenever we go for a pizza and beer.
Citas is the petite of the two. Paraluman has that innocent look of barrio lass. They must been around bossy male engineers all their life. They could shoot breeze with the guys. They were in charge of all social events in the office including out of town weekends.
I was with the group when they went to Punta Baluarte for a weekend day trip. I have never worked in the Philippines so this was the first that I would experience company picnics in the Philippines. As I boarded the bus, I saw several bags of sandwiches. I was telling myself, “I can’t be waking up this early just to have a sandwich for lunch.” I was not used to sandwiches on picnics. In Guam, we had BBQ ribs, steaks, and lots of Olympia and Schlitz.
Punta Baluarte offered a panoramic view of the Bay of Balayan and the surrounding mountains. The air was crisp; the water inviting but I was more interested in what was in store for us in the grand function room. I have not seen that much seafood on a long table before. San Miguel beer was flowing freely too. We drank the moment we arrived until the time we got back on the bus. It was like college days again.
And the sandwiches one may ask? Those were for the snack on the ride home.
My Manila trip was no longer a vacation. I began to live a good life; perhaps too good for my brothers in San Francisco to start worrying. I was getting calls from them almost every week only to be asked when I will depart for San Francisco. I always gave them my usual answer, “When I book my flight, I will let you know.”
It’s February 1982.
I got a call from my mother in Guam. She’s also concerned. It’s time I book my flight and get out of Manila.
But once again, life took an unexpected turn. I had a surprise date with Paraluman when we found out that we were attending the same wedding in Bulacan. I was invited by the groom, a classmate in college; and she by the bride, her classmate in college.
It was a surprise alright.
The newlyweds came to our table and asked, “When will you two get married? Don’t forget to invite us.”
And we look at each other like couples in love.
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “How can you mend a broken heart?” by the Bee Gees
Quesas Porque
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. 1
It’s mid-summer in 1981 when I tendered my resignation. Everyone thought I was crazy walking away from what most considered a career goal. I had all the perks of a company executive. I was an executive without the title. I ran the production side of the company. In addition to my own projects, I supervised all the engineers and designers in the office. Every project had to go through my desk for assignment and final check before we sent them out of the office.
I also had unlimited access to the two partners of the firm. Everyone already considered me as one of the partners.
An ongoing joke among us three was when we go after projects with different architectural project teams. We always place a bet on who will win; just an excuse to get a free lunch as we always charge lunch ticket to the company business development fund. We had power lunches every Friday and who ever lost stayed behind to pick up the tab and do the paperwork back in the office until the next loser.
I was then working on my professional engineering license. I was not in a hurry as I know I will be made a partner the moment I get my Professional Engineer registration. And when I become a partner, I will be partly responsible for the financial well being of the company. I was too young for that responsibility. I was not even personally responsible yet!
I was just a kid!
I was in a plum position. I can do whatever I wanted.
And I did!
I gave three months notice to leave the company. And that was it! I was not happy anymore. I no longer have the joy of engineering. It became just another job.
Three months came and it’s time to fly back to Manila.
I felt uncertain when I arrived in a hot and humid Manila afternoon. I stood sad and lost next to the baggage carousel. I was asking myself, “What am I doing here? This trip made no sense at all.” All I wanted was to take the next flight out and go straight to San Francisco.
I managed to flag a taxi for the short ride home. I failed to notice the flurry of activities in a bustling metropolis; a stark contrast to the leisurely island life I had in Guam. My mind wondered somewhere else as I sat quietly in the backseat. I would have preferred arriving and seeing Sofia at the airport. I thought of visiting Sofia that night; maybe I will be able to talk to her. Or see her one last time and say our good byes.
I knew it was unlikely that she will ever want to see me again. I knew her to act like a kid too! She said goodbye. And that was it too!
I was hoping she would agree to see me one last time.
When I got home, I decided not to visit her after all. She knew I was in Manila. If she wanted to see me, she had ways of letting me know. We have mutual friends, who wanted us to get back together; at the very least to be civil to each other and remain friends.
There were those pushing us to reconciliation. I had my doubts. I was resigned to not seeing her again.
More than a month passed and I have not seen let alone talked to her. Not even a message. We had mutual friends but I was not about the one to be the first to be asking how she was doing. One evening, when I had nothing better to do than grab a beer and watch TV, I went to their house to surprise her. The surprise was on me. She must have known I was going to visit her that evening that she decided to come home late or not at all. I never wanted to know.
While I was at their house, she called home. I could hear her Mom talking to her and begging her to come home. Then her sister talked to her. As soon as her sister hung up, she said that Sofia was on her way home. An hour passed and still she’s not gotten home. Two hours. Three hours. The wait was embarrassingly long to everyone.
We had dinner without her. When dinner was over, I bid farewell but her Mom was really embarrassed by what had just happened. I stayed a bit longer just to make everyone at ease or embarrass them longer. At around midnight, Sofia called again. I know then she was not coming home until I have left their house.
It really was the end of the road. It was time to move on. Finally I could tell myself without any doubt, “I give it my all and I failed.”
Affairs of the heart really conflict with the mechanical mind set of engineers. For every endeavor in our own little world is a set of formulas to be followed to the letter! The pursuit of Sofia was yet another endeavor much like what we did in college. We went to nearby colleges and universities to meet ladies. Those outings were positive distractions to our research on failed laboratory experiments. Disappointments were expected in what we did in college. Seldom did we get the results we wanted. But in experiments on the affairs of the heart, we failed miserably.
I remember us going to Wildlife Park, where we met a few nursing students from UST. We exchange phone numbers and addresses. We promised to visit them at their dorm. And as naïve as we were, we went to their dorm somewhere in Sampaloc. There’s no one of those names who lived in that dorm.
This was just one of the many misadventures we had in college. I can not remember any that ended as a success. But we were always happy.
As with our misadventures in college, I have failed yet again.
I was not sad anymore. I have done my crying when the wound was still fresh. The last three months were agonizingly painful. But time heals everything for my loneliness was beginning to be of a distant memory. I decided to spend Christmas and New Year in Manila because it will be years before I will be back in Manila again.
I can not remember how Christmas was in that year - 1981. Christmas and New Year that year became just another day.
I occupied myself hanging out with former classmates who worked at PLDT. Shakey’s Greenbelt was across from their office. I remember the Greenbelt of the bygone days of Makati. It had wide open landscape; had an aviary; and even had a chapel. It’s a peaceful place to walk. After watching a movie at the Quad, alone of course, there was not much to do but walk alone; in solitude.
At five in the afternoon, night life begins. I spent a few nights drinking rounds of on tap over pizza and live music at Shakey’s Greenbelt. It’s almost an every night occurrence until I figure out how to live my life once again.
I may have spent so many days at PLDT as quite a few thought I work at PLDT. I even played cards with the guys and gals at lunch time. There were a few lady engineers in that department. Paraluman and Citas were like any one of the guys. They were always with us whenever we go for a pizza and beer.
Citas is the petite of the two. Paraluman has that innocent look of barrio lass. They must been around bossy male engineers all their life. They could shoot breeze with the guys. They were in charge of all social events in the office including out of town weekends.
I was with the group when they went to Punta Baluarte for a weekend day trip. I have never worked in the Philippines so this was the first that I would experience company picnics in the Philippines. As I boarded the bus, I saw several bags of sandwiches. I was telling myself, “I can’t be waking up this early just to have a sandwich for lunch.” I was not used to sandwiches on picnics. In Guam, we had BBQ ribs, steaks, and lots of Olympia and Schlitz.
Punta Baluarte offered a panoramic view of the Bay of Balayan and the surrounding mountains. The air was crisp; the water inviting but I was more interested in what was in store for us in the grand function room. I have not seen that much seafood on a long table before. San Miguel beer was flowing freely too. We drank the moment we arrived until the time we got back on the bus. It was like college days again.
And the sandwiches one may ask? Those were for the snack on the ride home.
My Manila trip was no longer a vacation. I began to live a good life; perhaps too good for my brothers in San Francisco to start worrying. I was getting calls from them almost every week only to be asked when I will depart for San Francisco. I always gave them my usual answer, “When I book my flight, I will let you know.”
It’s February 1982.
I got a call from my mother in Guam. She’s also concerned. It’s time I book my flight and get out of Manila.
But once again, life took an unexpected turn. I had a surprise date with Paraluman when we found out that we were attending the same wedding in Bulacan. I was invited by the groom, a classmate in college; and she by the bride, her classmate in college.
It was a surprise alright.
The newlyweds came to our table and asked, “When will you two get married? Don’t forget to invite us.”
And we look at each other like couples in love.
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “How can you mend a broken heart?” by the Bee Gees
Monday, June 8, 2009
pabawien moak, promisam
MANONTON DALAN
inaro akin lamet masyadoy saboy dalam
agak ni angalmusal, agkoni antay nilam
anto may kuanmo " akagngel kay tsismis"
wala siguroy katuwaan to ta agka akaimis
nepeg komon utuben moray kabkabat mo
aliwan siak so pangipapasan moy sabo
siopani so pangikuanan mo ray guligon
no aliwan siyak ya alenleneg mon inarom
balet diya komod kalmantin pitutungtung
piyan say baog ko ag-unkusen o unkurong
natalusan takan lawas balet no maminsan
anggapoy dayew,singaak anggapoy kakanaan
no ebatan taka, umbarong kan naemel-emel
batik kan tampol ed kuartom agka-undengel
balet labalabay mon amu-amuen ya singa oken
makakalekak ya unong, kapigan ka untakken
kasumpalan to inaro siyak so nankasalanan
andi bali lad tan pabawien moak promisam
inaro akin lamet masyadoy saboy dalam
agak ni angalmusal, agkoni antay nilam
anto may kuanmo " akagngel kay tsismis"
wala siguroy katuwaan to ta agka akaimis
nepeg komon utuben moray kabkabat mo
aliwan siak so pangipapasan moy sabo
siopani so pangikuanan mo ray guligon
no aliwan siyak ya alenleneg mon inarom
balet diya komod kalmantin pitutungtung
piyan say baog ko ag-unkusen o unkurong
natalusan takan lawas balet no maminsan
anggapoy dayew,singaak anggapoy kakanaan
no ebatan taka, umbarong kan naemel-emel
batik kan tampol ed kuartom agka-undengel
balet labalabay mon amu-amuen ya singa oken
makakalekak ya unong, kapigan ka untakken
kasumpalan to inaro siyak so nankasalanan
andi bali lad tan pabawien moak promisam
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Sam Antonio, Jr.
Congratulations to Sam Antonio, son of Sammy D. Antonio and the late Cristita Somera of Asingan/McAllen, Texas as he receives the highest honor as Valedictorian of McAllen High School, class of 2009. He is also a recipient of the following scholarship grants: Minnie Stevens Piper Foundation, Rotary Club of McAllen, McAllen Chamber of Commerce, James A. Bush Scholarship, Federal Pell Grant, University Tuition Grant-Undergraduate, Texas Grant-Initial, Federal Academic Competitiveness Grant and State Top Ten Percent Scholarship. Sam will be attending University of Texas - business school at Austin this fall. Here's his Valedictory Address:
It's over. And to be honest, I've been petrified of this moment. Not because high school was about to end. Not because of all the new responsibilities I would now have. I just didn't want to make this speech. However, I realized a graduation speech isn't a curse associated with being valedictorian. Rather, it's an opportunity for me to express myself. For most of you, this is the first time you've heard me speak. And for those of you who had me for class, this is probably the first time you've heard me speak.
As you're sitting there, I know exactly what you're thinking. Some of you are asking yourselves “When will this be over?” Some of you are thinking how uncomfortable, unflattering, and oversized these cap and gowns are. Some of you are just hoping my speech ends soon. Unfortunately, it's not that time yet.
Fellow graduates: today, I am issuing you a challenge. For those of you who continue onto higher education, let this afternoon not be the only graduation you are a part of. I challenge you to keep yourselves motivated because believe it or not, some people are already counting you out. Ms. Ardis, my American Sign Language teacher, shared with our class a very important, and quite frankly, scary, piece of trivia. According to statewide statistics, only 14% of Rio Grande Valley high school graduates go on to graduate from college. Although, being around this group of people for so long, I am convinced we can destroy that statistic. Your teachers, this administration, and these people who sit all around you, believe in you. Graduates, I believe that deserves an applause?
As for the parents: wherever my fellow classmates and I are headed to, I challenge you to keep us motivated. The past four years, we may have told you we didn't need your help. Maybe we told you to give us space during that tough English project or after coming home from a hard practice. The truth is, none of us would be decorated and present today without your compelling push. And I think I speak for everyone by saying, we wouldn't mind that occasional “financial” help now and then.
And finally, for the teachers and administrators: I challenge you to make the next graduating class just as good as we are. However, everyone here knows it's impossible. There's a special multitude of talent with the class of 2009. If you were to personally speak to any one graduating today, you will have spoken with incredible athletes, academic experts, and multi-talented artists. You will have spoken to all-state musicians, aspiring authors, and possibly even a future president – anything you could imagine.
I would like to conclude my speech with a quote. “There's a big world out there – bigger than high school prom, bigger than high school itself. And it doesn't matter if you were the most popular girl, the quarterback, or the guy who got straight A's. Find out who you are in this world, and don't shy away from it.”
(Visit our new link: Our Youths featuring our children who will be shaping our future...)
Friday, June 5, 2009
abay mon misakbatan
manonton dalan
aring nagngel koy boses mon apagas
mankalkalinatey alig na kalasakas
aliknak so belbeleng mon manandu
ya say luluwak et guyguyuren to
kawalan to laramay talabit na bibil
ya agag makaisa no sikay migagantil
wadiyaak ed abay mon undedengel lawas
antoman ya iyi-indam tan tepel ed oras
say biskeg na nonot agmo ikakaindan
peket kad ilalo, iyi-inday lingwanan
antak walay kairapan balet an-anusan
wadiyaak lawas ed abay mon misakbatan
nanonotan ko ramay ula-ulam tan tagtagleey
napnoy liket, ermen, pansibeg tan lurlurey
imis moy alay samit singa ka rosas akabuskag
aakbibiten toy panangaro, ipapanta tod sinag
natan makuyep lay silew balet wala ni kidyam
sibuken piyan undukey tan naaninag koy lupam
aring nagngel koy boses mon apagas
mankalkalinatey alig na kalasakas
aliknak so belbeleng mon manandu
ya say luluwak et guyguyuren to
kawalan to laramay talabit na bibil
ya agag makaisa no sikay migagantil
wadiyaak ed abay mon undedengel lawas
antoman ya iyi-indam tan tepel ed oras
say biskeg na nonot agmo ikakaindan
peket kad ilalo, iyi-inday lingwanan
antak walay kairapan balet an-anusan
wadiyaak lawas ed abay mon misakbatan
nanonotan ko ramay ula-ulam tan tagtagleey
napnoy liket, ermen, pansibeg tan lurlurey
imis moy alay samit singa ka rosas akabuskag
aakbibiten toy panangaro, ipapanta tod sinag
natan makuyep lay silew balet wala ni kidyam
sibuken piyan undukey tan naaninag koy lupam
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
My Best Friend
By AG
It was my first day in college and my brother helped me go through all the hustles of enrollment. At that time, I was not ready for college work, I did not work hard to get adequate training in high school, so my brother came very handy. He was three years older and was currently an upper classman in college, his experience helped me through the difficult process of selecting the course to specialize. My first day in college was also the start of my lifelong friendship with my brother and we became best friends ever since.
I have a lot of stories about my brother, but the first thing I remember was his giving me a bath when I was not yet capable doing it myself. As I grew a lot older, I became a nuisance for following him wherever he went. Our three year age gap was very significant when we were young, he was advanced mentally and physically, but I tried my best to catch up with his abilities. The pre-adolescent years in the life of a boy is always full of fun and mischief so when my brother was at that age, having me tagged along was not cool and was a hindrance especially when he went on mischievous adventures with his friends. But sneaky as I was, I always found my way to wherever my brother and his friends went for adventure and he had to worry about me when we have to get away because of our mischief.
My brother wanted me to join my younger friends but I always found fun with older kids than with my age group. There were times when my brother would escape from me, especially when he and his friends would go to Dagupan to watch movies. One Saturday morning, I noticed that my brother was preparing to go to the movies when I heard him asked permission from my mother. He insconspicuously left our house but I followed him from a distance after I told my mother I was going to the movies with my brother. My brother, being aware that I was following him, tried to confuse me by stopping at different places until he thought that he lost me. He eventually ended up at the town center where he caught the jeepney bound for Dagupan. I took the next trip and followed him to the Dagupan Theater Cinema to watch the movie “ Batman and Robin”, the movie that my brother told my mother. As I was groping my way in the dark theater looking for a seat, my brother saw me and he was left with no alternative but to enjoy my company. After the movie, we ended up eating noodles in the nearby Chinese panciteria.
During his high school years, I could no longer tag along and I was out of his life because his lifestyle and demeanor changed when he started liking girls. He had become a good dresser, always neat with nice clothes and he would never go out of the house without grooming himself in front of a big mirror. I remember him using an aftershave lotion and then pinching his cheeks to have a pink blush, applying a little bit of Johnson baby powder to remove the shine on his face, and then finishing his grooming in front of the big mirror to practice his flashing, contoured smile. With his shoes always polished, his pants and shirt always neatly pressed, he would hang around the town plaza with his two best friends to watch for the girls who were the focus of his infatuations. He had a good voice and had a musical talent so he was sometimes given a solo to perform songs during the school musical drama. During his junior year, he was very much infatuated with a girl classmate, but all he could do was write love letters or passed by her house to catch a glimpse of her.
I was in High School when he left for college at age fifteen at the U.P. Diliman, and I was very proud of him for attending that school. During school breaks, he would be active hanging out with the other college students, having parties and dances which I would watch with envy and wishing that I would be old enough to join. After my high school graduation, I intended to study at the local colleges but my father persuaded me to join my brother in the same school. Because we were both in college, the age gap between me and my brother vanished completely and we became the best of friends. At first we became roommates in a boarding house and eventually we stayed in my aunt’s house for the rest of our college years. He graduated with a DVM degree and had a job as a provincial veterinarian for several years before he left for America. I also graduated from college and had worked for three years in a pharmaceutical company before I immigrated to America.
I was lucky to have him ahead of me here in America and I stayed with him until I landed a job. I always visited him during holidays and we were always in communication, without missing any bit of the happenings in our lives. Every year, we spent time together like best friends do, and we never run out of topics to talk about, our parents, our common friends, and our children. He never missed the important events in my son‘s life, like his baptism, his high school and college graduations. All of our times in America, there was never a week that we missed to call each other, to check or just to hear our voices.
Recently, my brother got sick, very sick and I feel that he is still too young to get that sick. These times, we talk everyday, as if we were trying to cover all the things that we have yet touched. I visit him more often, spending more time and enjoying each other in a very simple way, just the mere presence provides us with the elixir of life. I’ll be missing my best friend, I am already missing him in my mind and I hope I would still have my best friend for sometime, for quite sometime. As we grow older, youth is the new song, but old songs carry the memories of the good, old times which are engraved in our mind. I am contented that the memories I have about my brother linger in my brain, and these memories would forever be stored in the safest corner of my mind. I love my best friend and I would not say goodbye, because I know that someday, I hope to see him somewhere in the Milky way.
It was my first day in college and my brother helped me go through all the hustles of enrollment. At that time, I was not ready for college work, I did not work hard to get adequate training in high school, so my brother came very handy. He was three years older and was currently an upper classman in college, his experience helped me through the difficult process of selecting the course to specialize. My first day in college was also the start of my lifelong friendship with my brother and we became best friends ever since.
I have a lot of stories about my brother, but the first thing I remember was his giving me a bath when I was not yet capable doing it myself. As I grew a lot older, I became a nuisance for following him wherever he went. Our three year age gap was very significant when we were young, he was advanced mentally and physically, but I tried my best to catch up with his abilities. The pre-adolescent years in the life of a boy is always full of fun and mischief so when my brother was at that age, having me tagged along was not cool and was a hindrance especially when he went on mischievous adventures with his friends. But sneaky as I was, I always found my way to wherever my brother and his friends went for adventure and he had to worry about me when we have to get away because of our mischief.
My brother wanted me to join my younger friends but I always found fun with older kids than with my age group. There were times when my brother would escape from me, especially when he and his friends would go to Dagupan to watch movies. One Saturday morning, I noticed that my brother was preparing to go to the movies when I heard him asked permission from my mother. He insconspicuously left our house but I followed him from a distance after I told my mother I was going to the movies with my brother. My brother, being aware that I was following him, tried to confuse me by stopping at different places until he thought that he lost me. He eventually ended up at the town center where he caught the jeepney bound for Dagupan. I took the next trip and followed him to the Dagupan Theater Cinema to watch the movie “ Batman and Robin”, the movie that my brother told my mother. As I was groping my way in the dark theater looking for a seat, my brother saw me and he was left with no alternative but to enjoy my company. After the movie, we ended up eating noodles in the nearby Chinese panciteria.
During his high school years, I could no longer tag along and I was out of his life because his lifestyle and demeanor changed when he started liking girls. He had become a good dresser, always neat with nice clothes and he would never go out of the house without grooming himself in front of a big mirror. I remember him using an aftershave lotion and then pinching his cheeks to have a pink blush, applying a little bit of Johnson baby powder to remove the shine on his face, and then finishing his grooming in front of the big mirror to practice his flashing, contoured smile. With his shoes always polished, his pants and shirt always neatly pressed, he would hang around the town plaza with his two best friends to watch for the girls who were the focus of his infatuations. He had a good voice and had a musical talent so he was sometimes given a solo to perform songs during the school musical drama. During his junior year, he was very much infatuated with a girl classmate, but all he could do was write love letters or passed by her house to catch a glimpse of her.
I was in High School when he left for college at age fifteen at the U.P. Diliman, and I was very proud of him for attending that school. During school breaks, he would be active hanging out with the other college students, having parties and dances which I would watch with envy and wishing that I would be old enough to join. After my high school graduation, I intended to study at the local colleges but my father persuaded me to join my brother in the same school. Because we were both in college, the age gap between me and my brother vanished completely and we became the best of friends. At first we became roommates in a boarding house and eventually we stayed in my aunt’s house for the rest of our college years. He graduated with a DVM degree and had a job as a provincial veterinarian for several years before he left for America. I also graduated from college and had worked for three years in a pharmaceutical company before I immigrated to America.
I was lucky to have him ahead of me here in America and I stayed with him until I landed a job. I always visited him during holidays and we were always in communication, without missing any bit of the happenings in our lives. Every year, we spent time together like best friends do, and we never run out of topics to talk about, our parents, our common friends, and our children. He never missed the important events in my son‘s life, like his baptism, his high school and college graduations. All of our times in America, there was never a week that we missed to call each other, to check or just to hear our voices.
Recently, my brother got sick, very sick and I feel that he is still too young to get that sick. These times, we talk everyday, as if we were trying to cover all the things that we have yet touched. I visit him more often, spending more time and enjoying each other in a very simple way, just the mere presence provides us with the elixir of life. I’ll be missing my best friend, I am already missing him in my mind and I hope I would still have my best friend for sometime, for quite sometime. As we grow older, youth is the new song, but old songs carry the memories of the good, old times which are engraved in our mind. I am contented that the memories I have about my brother linger in my brain, and these memories would forever be stored in the safest corner of my mind. I love my best friend and I would not say goodbye, because I know that someday, I hope to see him somewhere in the Milky way.
diyad lupak gimmulis
manonton dalan
( aliingan koy mapalpalnan
palbangon nen bimmusel yan
kanonotan ... ay agi!)
akinet walay beleng mon aliing
dati masayaksak kan alay santing
wala ray bakabakat na luar matam
walay ermen so malinggas ya lupam
komon inaro aliwan siak so rason
ta naliliknak niramay panangarom
maya ka iyalan takay ampetanga kape
pandesal walay palaman ton manami
igetelan takay rosas er hardin ko
amay mabusbuskag, masanting, masamyo
marakep ya pamunas na guligoy nonot
palesaen toy imis, liketa agnapaksot
asabian takan amawil er ugip, mareereen
indepel koy bibil ko, sikay manngehem
binitlam so ngaran ya walad arawin dalin
singa yuron diyad pagew ko naipaneka amin
simmrubak er ules, inlakap koy pannangis
aliknak so luluak, diyad lupak ungugulis
( aliingan koy mapalpalnan
palbangon nen bimmusel yan
kanonotan ... ay agi!)
akinet walay beleng mon aliing
dati masayaksak kan alay santing
wala ray bakabakat na luar matam
walay ermen so malinggas ya lupam
komon inaro aliwan siak so rason
ta naliliknak niramay panangarom
maya ka iyalan takay ampetanga kape
pandesal walay palaman ton manami
igetelan takay rosas er hardin ko
amay mabusbuskag, masanting, masamyo
marakep ya pamunas na guligoy nonot
palesaen toy imis, liketa agnapaksot
asabian takan amawil er ugip, mareereen
indepel koy bibil ko, sikay manngehem
binitlam so ngaran ya walad arawin dalin
singa yuron diyad pagew ko naipaneka amin
simmrubak er ules, inlakap koy pannangis
aliknak so luluak, diyad lupak ungugulis
Monday, June 1, 2009
Short Stories of the Heart
by Pio “Bering” Beringuella
It hurts!
If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me
No baby please don’t go
If you leave me now, you’ll take away the very heart of me
No baby please don’t go
A love like ours is love that’s hard to find
How could we let it slip away
We’ve come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way
When tomorrow comes well both regret
Things we said today 1
I arrived back in Guam with mixed emotions. I was happy to be back yet unhappy to be away from Sofia. I was happy when I was with Sofia yet felt uneasy. My heart was telling me to be with her yet my mind said no.
Is love this conflicted?
My state of innocence was fading fast. There was an intense desire to do nothing. I went jogging along the beach more often. And as always I ended up sipping cocktails at the Tree Bar. My days ended with thoughts of her always.
A jazz trio played regularly at the Tree Bar. Their music lend to a melancholy surroundings. I learned to appreciate jazz by listening to them; day in, day out.
Jazz must be love too. Or is it?
I could no longer focus on work as before. Work came to a very slow pace. What took only hours to do then were taking days to complete. Work was literally piling up on my desk. One early morning, Vic my Boss and Mentor called me in his office.
“You look so unhappy lately.” Vic said.
“Your cubicle looks like a chimney. I think you need something to be happy. I am giving you a pay raise retroactive to the first of the year. Also, beginning today, you will have your gas allowance.” Vic added.
“Thank you.”
“Has something happened in Manila while you were on vacation?”
“No.”
“Did you get married?”
“No.”
“Did you break up with your girlfriend while in Manila?”
“No.”
“Come on, I have known you long enough to notice the sudden change in you. You never want to play tennis anymore. You don’t want to go fishing anymore. Ding told me you never go to their place for Mah Jong anymore either. It’s good you still go bowling. Are you maintaining your average?”
“Yes”
“Is there another word that you know besides yes and no?”
“None”
“As you know, Ding and I recently took over the company. We have big plans and we want you to play a major role in our new company. Now, what are your plans?”
“I am quitting; my last day is end of November.”
“Are you kidding? Where are you going? You just came back from vacation.”
“I am going back to Manila.”
And with those words, Vic rose from his seat ever so slowly, walks to the door, and closed it shut!
“Let’s talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“Are you getting married? Or are you already married?”
“No and no.”
Vic and I came from the same school. Our career paths are in parallel. He graduated six years ahead of me. He knows what college life is at MIT and what life is when we get out of MIT. I did not have to tell him anything. He knew what was in my mind.
“I will double the raise I just gave you; also retroactive to the first of the year. I am also giving you a car. You can choose your car as long as not the most expensive in the lot.”
I know he was trying to cheer me up but I didn’t laugh.
He even offered to pay for my air fare to Manila and if I needed extra money, he will also give it to me as a bonus.
There was one condition. I have to be back in the company. I can take as long as three months in Manila. He was even willing to pay my salary while on vacation. All he needed is for me to tell him I will be back.
“I don’t think I can do that. I don’t know what I want to do. It is unfair to you and to the company for me to take all these incentives, which will imply that I am coming back. I don’t know if I will ever be back here in Guam. I don’t want to give you false hope.”
We started talking at eight in the morning. Time flew and it was almost noon.
“Whatever you decide when you are in Manila, remember that there is a big difference between single never been married and single divorced.”
I never asked what it meant but those words stuck with me.
When I got out of his office, everyone was quiet. Everybody was pretending to be busy.
I planned to keep my return to Manila to myself. But when I was writing a letter to Sofia that night, I can’t resist not telling her that I quit that morning and will be in Manila in late November. We would have time to get to know each other.
I had big plans though I did not tell anyone; not even Sofia. I wanted to surprise her. I knew Sofia didn’t like Guam so I quit my job and planned to move to San Francisco. And if she loves me in return, I would marry her and take her with me. We will have our honeymoon in Hawaii on our way to San Francisco.
But life turns in unexpected ways. I received her letter a week later begging me not to go back to Manila. It was short and to the point; straight to my heart.
It hurts.
Sofia did not answer my repeated calls. She’s not at home. She’s not in the office either.
Finally, the message sunk in. It was the end of the line. It was an exciting journey but as with all good things, it had to end.
What followed was three months of the most uncertain times of my life.
I knew I have not professed my love but still I was devastated. I was being rejected beforehand.
Once again I am broken hearted; another failed attempt at a long distance relationship. There was nothing left to do but cry.
And cry I did for days. I spent evenings in solitude on the beach. I didn’t want anyone to see tears flowing from my eyes. The sunsets were always enchanting but not warm enough to mend a broken heart. The sounds of the waves against the sandy beach could not cheer up a lonely heart. The still of the night dominates my thoughts.
I thought of rescinding my resignation. I knew Vic will be happy. But will I be happy?
I also thought of moving straight to San Francisco. But the thought of not knowing what happened was just too much to bear.
I had to know. I can not go through another break up without knowing what has happened along the way. My inquisitive mind was taking control. I had to solve the mystery. I had to take the trip back to Manila, if of no reason at all, to regain my insanity.
…. because insanity is all I had. I want it back!
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “If You Leave Me Now” by Chicago
It hurts!
If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me
No baby please don’t go
If you leave me now, you’ll take away the very heart of me
No baby please don’t go
A love like ours is love that’s hard to find
How could we let it slip away
We’ve come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way
When tomorrow comes well both regret
Things we said today 1
I arrived back in Guam with mixed emotions. I was happy to be back yet unhappy to be away from Sofia. I was happy when I was with Sofia yet felt uneasy. My heart was telling me to be with her yet my mind said no.
Is love this conflicted?
My state of innocence was fading fast. There was an intense desire to do nothing. I went jogging along the beach more often. And as always I ended up sipping cocktails at the Tree Bar. My days ended with thoughts of her always.
A jazz trio played regularly at the Tree Bar. Their music lend to a melancholy surroundings. I learned to appreciate jazz by listening to them; day in, day out.
Jazz must be love too. Or is it?
I could no longer focus on work as before. Work came to a very slow pace. What took only hours to do then were taking days to complete. Work was literally piling up on my desk. One early morning, Vic my Boss and Mentor called me in his office.
“You look so unhappy lately.” Vic said.
“Your cubicle looks like a chimney. I think you need something to be happy. I am giving you a pay raise retroactive to the first of the year. Also, beginning today, you will have your gas allowance.” Vic added.
“Thank you.”
“Has something happened in Manila while you were on vacation?”
“No.”
“Did you get married?”
“No.”
“Did you break up with your girlfriend while in Manila?”
“No.”
“Come on, I have known you long enough to notice the sudden change in you. You never want to play tennis anymore. You don’t want to go fishing anymore. Ding told me you never go to their place for Mah Jong anymore either. It’s good you still go bowling. Are you maintaining your average?”
“Yes”
“Is there another word that you know besides yes and no?”
“None”
“As you know, Ding and I recently took over the company. We have big plans and we want you to play a major role in our new company. Now, what are your plans?”
“I am quitting; my last day is end of November.”
“Are you kidding? Where are you going? You just came back from vacation.”
“I am going back to Manila.”
And with those words, Vic rose from his seat ever so slowly, walks to the door, and closed it shut!
“Let’s talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“Are you getting married? Or are you already married?”
“No and no.”
Vic and I came from the same school. Our career paths are in parallel. He graduated six years ahead of me. He knows what college life is at MIT and what life is when we get out of MIT. I did not have to tell him anything. He knew what was in my mind.
“I will double the raise I just gave you; also retroactive to the first of the year. I am also giving you a car. You can choose your car as long as not the most expensive in the lot.”
I know he was trying to cheer me up but I didn’t laugh.
He even offered to pay for my air fare to Manila and if I needed extra money, he will also give it to me as a bonus.
There was one condition. I have to be back in the company. I can take as long as three months in Manila. He was even willing to pay my salary while on vacation. All he needed is for me to tell him I will be back.
“I don’t think I can do that. I don’t know what I want to do. It is unfair to you and to the company for me to take all these incentives, which will imply that I am coming back. I don’t know if I will ever be back here in Guam. I don’t want to give you false hope.”
We started talking at eight in the morning. Time flew and it was almost noon.
“Whatever you decide when you are in Manila, remember that there is a big difference between single never been married and single divorced.”
I never asked what it meant but those words stuck with me.
When I got out of his office, everyone was quiet. Everybody was pretending to be busy.
I planned to keep my return to Manila to myself. But when I was writing a letter to Sofia that night, I can’t resist not telling her that I quit that morning and will be in Manila in late November. We would have time to get to know each other.
I had big plans though I did not tell anyone; not even Sofia. I wanted to surprise her. I knew Sofia didn’t like Guam so I quit my job and planned to move to San Francisco. And if she loves me in return, I would marry her and take her with me. We will have our honeymoon in Hawaii on our way to San Francisco.
But life turns in unexpected ways. I received her letter a week later begging me not to go back to Manila. It was short and to the point; straight to my heart.
It hurts.
Sofia did not answer my repeated calls. She’s not at home. She’s not in the office either.
Finally, the message sunk in. It was the end of the line. It was an exciting journey but as with all good things, it had to end.
What followed was three months of the most uncertain times of my life.
I knew I have not professed my love but still I was devastated. I was being rejected beforehand.
Once again I am broken hearted; another failed attempt at a long distance relationship. There was nothing left to do but cry.
And cry I did for days. I spent evenings in solitude on the beach. I didn’t want anyone to see tears flowing from my eyes. The sunsets were always enchanting but not warm enough to mend a broken heart. The sounds of the waves against the sandy beach could not cheer up a lonely heart. The still of the night dominates my thoughts.
I thought of rescinding my resignation. I knew Vic will be happy. But will I be happy?
I also thought of moving straight to San Francisco. But the thought of not knowing what happened was just too much to bear.
I had to know. I can not go through another break up without knowing what has happened along the way. My inquisitive mind was taking control. I had to solve the mystery. I had to take the trip back to Manila, if of no reason at all, to regain my insanity.
…. because insanity is all I had. I want it back!
Footnotes
1 Excerpt from “If You Leave Me Now” by Chicago
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)